I was chatting to a dear friend recently, who asked me about my profile shot, so I figured, I really should explain the Elephant. Well, if you’ve seen ‘Horton Hears a Who’, you’ll recognise the picture of Horton and his beloved clover which is where his ‘Who’ resides. There is a story behind it, which is what I thought i’d share with you.
Many moons ago, my little man was having a difficult time at his special school. Very difficult. It was difficult for him, it was difficult for the school and it was difficult for us as parents, and quite frankly, I could have done without it. But, as usual, the universe had us on the path to something better. Even though I hoped so at the time, I couldn’t quite see it. Growing up, we went to school without any issues, and if there were issues, they just got solved. I got up every morning, had my breaky, got dressed, went to school did my work and came home. Never an issue. I assumed the same would happen with my own children. Not only because of my own experience, but because of the Brady Bunch. God Mike and Carol made it look easy didn’t they? Any problems were not only promptly solved within a few days if not hours, but the kids then learned valuable life experiences and never went on to repeat the mistakes. If there were issues, Mike and Carol always stayed calm, let him or her know they were disappointed. Enlightened them about the problems they had caused and gave a fair but stern punishment, all in a calm, ‘radio voice over’ kind of way. They learned their lessons. They understood the repercussions of their actions. But the Brady children weren’t autistic. Ah, how different things would have been.
When your child is at the end of the line as far as education goes, the next step is home schooling, and for a child with Autism, that is far from ideal for many reasons. A lot of Autistic children, would be perfectly content to stay at home and get lost in their own interests, whatever they may be, so it is so important that they are taken out of their own worlds and be made to learn things they’d rather not, and to interact with others. They NEED social interaction, they NEED to become accustomed to different settings and routines, and lets be totally frank here…Mummy needs a break. Seriously! If I had to try and teach him at home after he and I had only gotten 2-3 hours sleep the night before (this was before we discovered Melatonin), I think I would go a little insane, and not quietly either. There are some people who choose to home school and I truly salute anyone who takes on such a commitment, then there are those who are forced to home school as unlike us, there was no other option. I feel very deeply sorry for those people. We were faced with this possibility a few years ago when things were getting bad. As it turned out, Fraser has a condition called ‘PANDAS’ (Paediatric Autoimmune Neurological Disorder Associated with Streptococcus), we just didn’t know it at the time. He was obsessive and aggressive at school, yet not at home. I honestly couldn’t relate to the boy they were describing whenever we discussed his issues. Without going into all of the in’s and out’s, there were some very difficult times during that period. On one particular day, we were told he would be suspended if things didn’t improve. I just couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I felt like I had been attacked by Dementors from the Harry Potter movies, and there was not enough chocolate in the world the take that despair away. This was clearly a job for Sauvignon Blanc my friends!!! The day after the meeting, I was getting ready to go out to dinner with my lovely and understanding friends, but I didn’t want to go. All day I had felt blackness and heaviness descending on me and beginning to crush me. I am normally a positive person and I felt that I not only had no more to spare, but that I was in debt over my head. I felt like I was smaller and less significant than I had been before the meeting. I felt depressed. Not even the Sav Blanc could help me now. I was ironing my top but didn’t know why because I didn’t know how I was going to get to the restaurant let alone get through the dinner without curling up in the corner in the foetal position. Then a miracle happened. I am such a big fan of my little brain and I can say that entirely without ego, because it’s not something I can take credit for. It just works the way it works, and in moments like that, even a deep dark moment, it won’t let me stay there. It finds what I call a ‘hook’. Something to hang the sadness on which then removes it from my shoulders and lets me carry on not only as I was before, but with a new lease on life. While I was in the laundry ironing, Frase was in the lounge room watching his favourite movie. I became very aware of the words being spoken by the characters. They were poignant in a way I had never noticed before. Of course i’m talking about Horton Hears a Who. It dawned on me that like that beautiful elephant, I had a Who that I wanted to and needed to care for, I could hear my little Who even if no one else could. I knew he was in there and like Horton, no-one was going to convince me otherwise. Even if they put me a burning pot of bezel nut oil! I decided that anyone who couldn’t or wouldn’t hear my Who, was like the sour kangaroo. I started to see things differently in a instant. The light came on and I was suddenly on a new mission to prove to that kangaroo, that my Who was there and that he mattered and that he wasn’t just a ‘naughty’ Who.
Fraser has difficult behaviour, we know that and we do everything we can to manage it to the best of our abilities. As parents of Autistic children we are up against it, there is no doubt. The 90% divorce rate of parents of Autistic children pretty much says it all. We and our children need care and understanding because ultimately, we all want the same thing. We want calm, happy and productive kids. But, in the end, i’m glad it happened even though it got much worse before it got better. He was eventually suspended 3 times. It forced our hand. It forced us to move into a house in which we are ultimately much happier in, and to a school that is not only better resourced but has a better understanding of his needs. To them he is a Who. It also has it’s own pool. Its a win-win!! I always have the spirit of Horton with me. Like Beyonce and her stage persona Sasha Fierce, Horton is my alter ego, that keeps pushing forward and searching for answers. Horton keeps me inspired and reminds of how delicate my Who is, and why I do what I do and for that I am grateful. So for anyone out there doing it tough, no matter what your circumstance, I give this advice to you. Watch a kids movie. Even if you don’t learn a life lesson, you might at least have a giggle, and that will always make you feel better.
My name is Kathryn Horton, and I have a Who. I love my Who.
Kitty xx
AUTnotISM 