Being the parent of an Autistic child can be a roller coaster ride. Sometimes it can be thrilling and exciting like the really cool new ones at Movie World. Other times you feel like you’re on the old rickety one at Luna Park, wondering if you’re going to survive the experience, while you’re hanging on for dear life. You can, and do run the gamut of emotions from depression, sadness, frustration, happiness, pride, love and fear. And that can be before lunch. Depending on the day of course. As a parent and a grown up, you certainly learn to expect challenges as you travel down the highway of life. It happens to everyone. Of course, sometimes we encounter more challenges than we ever thought we’d have to, and for the most part we cope, and for the times we don’t, there’s always good old Sav Blanc. But what about siblings of Autistic children? I was lucky enough to grow up with a brother and sister that I could not only relate to, but got along with. We mucked around together, we laughed together, we played together, and we picked on each other mercilessly, but always in the spirit of fun. When we encountered difficulties, such as our parents divorce, we were there to support and look out for each other. As the oldest sibling, part of my job was not only to nurture my younger siblings, but also to pave the way for them to do cool stuff at a much younger age than I was able to. This was not a job that was entrusted to me, it just came naturally. My daughter has a very different experience with her sibling and it’s one that I really struggle to imagine. At 12 years of age, she is 19 months older than 11 year old Fraser, and while we have been careful to not put responsibility for his care onto her shoulders, she carries that responsibility just the same. Being female, and the eldest (speaking very generally here), seems to bring out a very maternal quality. From the time he was born, she took it upon herself to help take care of him, and she has never wavered in her commitment to him.
But it must be difficult. It must be frustrating and upsetting at times, to not have someone she can journey through her childhood with the way I did, and although she doesn’t know any different, she must feel it. He is there along side her, but they cannot converse, they cannot joke and they cannot cry on each others shoulders. We often say ‘we have two only children’. BUT…they do have a relationship. They do laugh together, they do dance together, they hold hands if we’re out walking, they do have fights (usually physical), and they most certainly press each others buttons. They are brother and sister after all! But they do love each other. In fact I would go so far as to say, when they were younger, each was the others’ first great love. This relationship exists now though, because of the efforts of this very remarkable girl. She will hug him when he’s hurt, she will get him food when he’s hungry, she will draw him pictures just because she wants to do something for him, and when he is upset, even though he is physically bigger than her, she will piggyback him around the house until he is smiling and happy again.
Last year, for her birthday, she had a slumber party. Fraser decided to barge in and put his ‘Bananas in Pyjamas’ DVD on. Before we could stop him, these lovely girls stopped what they were doing, sat down with him and told him how much they loved the Bananas. Of course they didn’t love the Bananas in Pyjamas, but they pretended to for his sake. He all of a sudden had 12 big sisters looking after him. I was so amazed, delighted and heartened to see these girls put his needs before their own. They didn’t have to. They could have complained, they could have made derogatory remarks or they could have ignored him, but they chose to include him. Girls tend to get a bad rap at this age for being bitchy, but we overlook the kindness and nurturing that these lovely creatures inherently posses, and selflessly share. These girls have been extraordinary with Fraser on many occasions before and since. But it is his sister who loves him unquestioningly day in and day out through all of the good times, the bad times and the worse times, that makes him a very lucky boy. While he has been given his fair share of difficulties to deal with, he has been blessed with his own little guardian angel. She of course does it tough at times, and will vocalise it in no uncertain terms that it’s unfair, but that’s okay, she’s allowed to do that! One thing is for sure though. She is certainly living in extraordinary circumstances and is picking up invaluable experience as she goes and I can’t wait to see what she does with it as she grows older and even wiser. In the second week of prep, she diagnosed a child in her class with Autism before his teachers and his parents and of course, she was spot on and has done this many times since.
While we can never expect to know what its like for the siblings of Autistic children, we must never forget to give them their dues. We must listen to them and be patient with them. Eloise, has often been a ray of sunshine on days of darkness even though there are times when it gets to her. She cares, and it shows, and I don’t know what we would do without her.
AUTnotISM 